Scissor Me Timbers - Really? Again?

As if this day hasn't dragged on long enough for me, things just got richer in my little world. I was just about to check my email to see if I had any new messages (to my dismay, I did not) but was so blessed to see the latest headlines. Apparently the Obama clan is partial to all sorts of foods - the kids love macaroni and cheese, Michelle digs fish, and Barack has a soft spot for hot sauce. The CIA is still on the hunt for Osama Bin Laden and lists him as a top priority - even though I'm pretty sure no one has seen a true video of him since his dialysis machine tumbled down the mountains in Pakistan a couple years back. Washington DC is expecting a swell of over a million people for President Obama's inauguration in two months - vendors with all sorts of fried foods are already lining up primo locations on the Mall in prepartion.

Oh, and the "pregnant man" is pregnant again.

C'mon? Really? How is this really making headlines all over again? It's bad enough the press bought the story, only to later learn that it's not a man, man - it's a woman with an elaborate sex-change operation and plenty of hormones to grow a Kevin Federline-inspired goatee. And the bosomy 46-year old wife? She had to know that her "hubby" wasn't able to make the fishies swim up the River of No Return. Sure, she had a hysterectomy years ago and couldn't have children - but that does this make her a lesbian or just blind to the fact that that "guy's" face is really a formerly-petite Asian chick?

No matter. This time around, it isn't Oprah who opted to expose the story on an hour-long special to make audiences roll their eyes. Instead it's fellow auteur Barbara Walters who snagged the interview for tomorrow's episode of The View. Really Barbara, whatever happened to your days of hard hitting journalism? That went the wayside when you ditched Hugh Downs and fled to an estrogen-fueled talk show that's more clownish than a nightly show of Ringling Brothers.

I think this time around most people are going to see the article, just shrug off the fact that the "pregnant man" remained off the hormones long enough to concoct a second child, and will go on with their lives. Seriously now - if I bought a gerbil, named him Lemmiwinks, and shoved him up my ass could I whore myself out to the media (marking Richard Gere as my inspiration) the same way this dopey couple has? Oy vey someone get me a shotglass. Where's my fuckin' Jager?